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How to Foster Good Relationship With Step Parents
By Selvyn Evans
My Mother my father separated sometime after my birth. They went their separate ways and wed someone else. I started out living with my mother and Grand Mother, with my father somewhat involved. Because we were poor, especially my mother’s family, and my father had a separate family to take care of, we struggled financially. Sometime during my teen years, I went to live with my father and started High School. Many of my associates were discouraging, telling me of horror stories living with a step-parent-in this case a step mother. The consensus was that most step parents are not accommodative, nor supportive of a step child being present. They were profiled as treating their own children much better—at least this was the case in my neighborhood. So I entered into this relationship with my father and step mother conscious of likely unpleasant developments. However, I was determined to succeed in this relationship, since it was easier for me to get good schooling there, and the surrounding was more to my liking—no bad reflection on my mother and Grand mother who both went the extra mile to provide me a comfortable living with many happy memories. My goal was to ensure that I did not experience any problems living with my father and step mother. I decided I had to be a model child, and add value to the relationship. I must be an asset to them, not a liability. So How Did I Proceed?
I was the oldest child in the family, so I decided that I should become a good example to my siblings and parents. Hopefully, I assumed that this would facilitate good relationship with my parents. I did the following without being asked to do it: Among other things, I milked the cows; feed the goats and pigs each morning before going to High School. When I returned from school I checked to see that the animals were ok. These animals helped my parents financially, so I am adding value. I then did my home work, reviewed the day’s in-school tasks and lectures. This ensured good grades in school and removed a common frustration experienced by parents. I helped my siblings with their school work as necessary.
I baby sit when my parents attended mid-week church services. I kept the home clean—I disciplined the siblings in a controlled manner when necessary. I repeated this routine consistently Monday through Friday. On weekends mornings I raised the bar a little higher. I ensured there were enough feed for the animals for the coming week, I did gardening or lawn care as necessary; I helped my parents and siblings with any chores as appropriate. I sometimes cooked the family dinner. My approach was to volunteer and not wait to be asked.
By mid afternoon all chores completed, I took my bath, dressed and went to the sport center nearby, where I engaged in table tennis, cricket or soccer with some friends. So you might be asking --- so what? Well, I never experienced any bad treatment by a step parent. Instead I was complimented for being the most obedient and helpful child they birthed or know of. I was never denied engaging in my own hobbies or pastime, instead at times if I showed no interest in going out, I would be asked by both parents if I am ok.
I enjoyed a relationship in the home where you would not know that I was a step child. The compliments they expressed never stopped, they still continued to this day. I cannot say dogmatically that the good relationship I enjoyed was totally as a result of my approach at home. One thing I know based on experience, is that when you make it impossible for anyone to criticize you, but instead compliment you for good deeds that you volunteered, especially where he or she is the benefactor, you are well on your way to ensuring a good relationship with such person. Just do it!!!
Selvyn Evans is an Accounting/Financial Professional and an expert Ezine Author
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Contributor's Note
This intel is my true story. Your situation might be different, it may be other than step parent involved. However,the principles will still work.
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Did you also have a fairy godmother like Cinderella?
CONTRIBUTOR'S REPLY
You bet I did
The copyright for this content entitled "How to Foster Good Relationship With Step Parents " has been specified by the contributor as:
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http://selvyne.qondio.com/
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This intel was contributed by selvyne
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May, 2012
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